In My Life...: A Milestone of a Birthday

Recently we celebrated my son's 15th birthday, although not a milestone in his mind it was definitely in mine. For those of you who know me and know about my life, you should know why 15 is such a meaningful age. For those of you who don't let me explain.....and try not to bore you.

By the age of 15 I had grown up way before I wanted to, while most of my friends didn't have a care in the world, I had alot on my mind. November of 1986, 5 months after I turned 15 during a snowstorm on a Wednesday, I answered the phone at the very same time my brother did and listened silently as the doctor on the other end told him that my mother had passed away. At that very moment my world came crashing down on me. You see I had already lost my father at age 6 and now my mother too. I was so angry for a very long time, I didn't want to grow up, I wanted to be a kid and enjoy it.

Mom & Dad on their wedding day

Time went by and thank goodness for my 2 wonderful brothers and my fantastic friends or I may not have been able to survive this. Many a night I cried myself to sleep and many a day I spent wondering why me. As time passed I was still very angry at God for doing this to me, but then I heard someone say; God only gives you what you can handle. It was then I decided to handle this.

My Brothers and I in Italy

The next few years I was faced with many obstacles, some of my friends thought it was a great opportunity to get away with more and that I was free from any type of adult supervision. I would have traded any of that to have my mom and dad by my side, and yelling at me for everything little thing. Of my 2 brothers one was already married and had started a family, and my other brother was still living at home at the time my mother had passed away, so he was pretty much in charge of raising me. He didn't want that job, (and who can blame him) and from the start he told me like it was, "I am not your father, don't get into any trouble, I won't be there to bail you out." I listened, and here I am some 26 years later happily married and raising 3 boys of my own, and thinking about my oldest being 15.

When I was 15, I had a job, I cooked for myself, did my own laundry, and managed to stay in school. I don't want that for any of my own kids (except for the stay in school part), but I do want them to be able to do things on their own, I will not raise them to be mamma's boys, they will be able to take care of themselves and will not have to depend on someone else. Harder said than done. My oldest is now at the age where he knows about drinking, smoking, and drugs, and thankfully he is not afraid to ask me about those things. He knows what kind of life I had, and knows I had those temptations in in front of me, without parental supervision, and I can honestly tell him the choices I made, without thinking about what repercussions they will have.

I try and be very open with my children especially my oldest and the pressures he has and will face in the near future. As parents we hope for the best for our children as they grow older and are forced to make some choices on their own. I will be by their side and also watch them from a distance. As I sit and reflect on the life I have lead I am very satisfied with the outcome. Would I have wanted my mom and dad by my side absolutely, but I wasn't given that option and God gave me what I could handle, and I think I have handled it well.