In My Life...: Are You Ready?

To have kids?....bet you thought I was going to say for some football.....it being Superbowl Sunday and having the New England Patriots playing in Superbowl XLVI. I am not going to talk about football, there is enough about that everywhere else you look, including my house.

I was thinking about kids...when your 16, you take a test to get you driving permit, when your 16 1/2 you take a test to get your license, then if you're lucky enough (ha ha) you get to take a test for a job that you're not sure you want. How about an eye test, drug test, sobriety test, SAT test. There are soooo many tests out there, but none to know whether you are ready for kids. Someone once told me you are never ready for kids, and if you wait until you are you'll never have any, I agree.

I love my children, and I would never change a thing about them, and I only hope they grow up to have successful lives, and children of their own, that are just like them someday.

So for those of you who are thinking about having children, take my test, for those of you who already have children, enjoy a good laugh, and for those of you who don't have any children....I'm coming over your house!

Physical Test
Take a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of you clothes. Leave it there for 9 months, then remove 10 of the beanbag seeds and try not to notice the closet full of clothes that you won't be wearing for a while.

Toy Test

Get a 55 gallon container of Lego's (I have some you can borrow). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try and walk to the bathroom or the kitchen. Do not scream, because this would wake a baby at night.

Grocery Store Test

Borrow a small goat, 2 if you want twins. Take them with you while you shop. Always keep them in sight, and make sure you pay for anything they eat or damage.

Feeding Test- oooo this is my favorite

Get a gallon size milk jug and fill it half way with a mixture of Gatorade, orange juice, and sour milk. suspend it from the ceiling with a cord. Start swinging the jug. Then try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug while making either an airplane or train noise. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Mess Test
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and the curtains. Place a hot dog behind the sofa and leave it there all summer.

Ingenuity Test

Take an egg carton. using scissors and paint, turn it into an alligator.

Automobile Test
Whatever you're driving, get rid of it and get a minivan. Buy a roll of stickers and stick them all over the back and side windows. Buy a chocolate bar and stick it in the glove box. Leave it there. Take some play-doh and jam it in the CD player. Take a large package of chocolate chip cookies and mash them into the back seat. Use a garden rake to run along both sides of the car, maybe even the back.

Bed Test
No matter what size bed you have...it's not big enough, when your child asks to sleep with you either tie ropes to each end of the bed so you hold on to keep from falling off, or practice sleeping in a toddler bed. A 40 lb 3' tall child becomes Jesus on the cross when asleep and ALWAYS manages to kick something they shouldn't (tip for the men).

The best tip I can offer...

Enjoy every waking moment with your children, they grow up too fast! Have fun making egg carton alligators, don't sweat the small stuff, stickers look good on the windows, letting the kids sleep in your bed once in a while is the best, even if you end up sleeping on the floor. Oh and 1 more thing, they won't take care of that dog that they begged for after the novelty wares off, but get it anyway.